I was pregnant!

No, I’m not pregnant but I looked like it 3 months ago. This post is about being fat. If your fat and don’t like reading these kinds of posts then you prolly should move on. If your med sized or HWP (Height Weight Proportionate and have never been overweight, fat, obese then you may not be able to relate to this).

Being overweight or fat as I like to call it and having a beer belly that actually resembles being 8-9 months pregnant is taxing on ones body. Letting it all hang out whilst I was in the bathroom having come out of the shower the steam on the mirror slowly revealed  my fat upper half. Since I’m Native American we have a propensity of only getting fat from the cock up. Our legs remain the same, usually losing muscle mass and becoming chicken legged beings. Not a pretty sight. Luckily for me in my early years I played a ton of sports so my legs are still somewhat intact. Especially my calves. That’s from years of Basketball both rec and HS/JUCO.

So, I stand there in all my nakedness and turn to the side, the back, the other side then back to the front. I suck it in. I push it out, I slap it up and down. My belly that is…..

I realize I’m becoming a cliche among men my age and my race (sans the drunken stupors). I’m overweight. According to my wii fit, my 3 apps on my iPhone my ideal weight should be around 200 lbs. Just before Thanksgiving I weighed in at 255 lbs. I’m 6ft tall. I had previously seen the outfit called ‘Pro Partners (no homo) MD’ and did their full physical and diagnostics package back in October of 2008 and after all the poking and prodding I was told I’m borderline ‘diabetic’. At that time it didn’t really phase me. I was like “ok….”. Of course the way to beat that is exercise and eating right but mostly get off your ass and work out or some kind of regular exercise. My ‘reg’ exercise amounted to having rigorous sex with my wife 4 times a week and going up the stairs at our home. We have a lot of stairs in our house.

No, what DID it for me was small inspirations around me, there was no ONE thing. This past 2009 marked my 20th High School reunions (I had 2 since I moved from one state to another and had 2 sets of ‘friends’*). You’d think I’d have shaped up BEFORE. In the end I didn’t go to any, one of the reasons was my weight. I know, how vain of me. So. We all are to some extent. Try going to your reunion almost 150lbs more than what you weight 20 years ago….digressing on a stupid reason..

My small inspirations were my kids, I want them to be proud of their dad who already conquered smoking over 3.5 years a go, found a perfect wife, continuation of an excellent career. I didn’t want to be that fat dad who was going to keel over by the time he hit his mid 40’s. **KNOCK ON MY WOOD**. I wanted my wife to be super proud of me, in public, in bed, I want her to touch me more, lust after me like we’re 19! All of that. I wanted public respect. Many people don’t understand the immediate lack of respect they garner when they meet you and your overweight. Our world, however fucked up it is, is based on ones outer beauty. This applies across the board in almost every facet except the internet. We are judged daily, hourly and in some areas by the minute.

I have the aspects of both sides. Up until my soph year in college I was in shape. I noticed as I got fat the respect among my friends waned as they kept IN shape. I know, then they’re not friends, duh. It was an observation that hit home at that time but then later I got married. We all know what happens to married people. We get MORE fat. Our life long chase of pussy is satisfied with the one we marry so whats the point of working out, playing sports. blah blah blah.

So this past November talking with my wife we decided to go on the “ZONE” diet once again, we had tried it out before and it last a couple months but we said “fuck it” when we were guided to a local steak house in Omaha. The ZONE in a nutshell is a balanced meal and snacks that usually excludes anything ‘white’. aka Breads. We eat everything thats located on the outter edges of a grocery store. Fruits, Vegs, Fresh Meat including Fish, Chicken and Beef. We don’t do buns or heavy starches like potatoes — ‘white’ based foods are usually high in sugars. I’m not going to on explaining it all. How boring. It is interesting though. The inner aisles of grocery stores are nearly all processed foods with tons of bad things for you. It also makes sense, if you worked in a grocery store you have to restock fresh items quickly, less refreshment is harder to get to. So, outter = good. Inner = bad.

This switch in eating habits took about 2 weeks to get used to, much like quitting smoking. It took me 5 days to quit with the patch. Eating took/takes more effort because your mind is used to things. I still struggle. Always will I think. Like things in my life if it becomes routine I’ll do it more. It helps that I have apps that help me keep track of my diet and exercise. I love to doodle and waste time. It’s my thing, wasting time. I’m good at it and these apps fill the void of such mundane things like making logos for some clients who are clueless.

Now it’s nearly 3 months in and this morning I weighed in at 237 lbs. Nearly 20 lbs since Thanksgiving. 18 to be exact. My goal (current) is to get to 231 by the end of the month. I don’t think it’s going to help today when I’m sitting at the Sushi bar and the Sushi Train is motoring by…..must resist RICE. It’s WHITE!!!!!!

I’m feeling better about myself, I’m less lethargic, my back isn’t in gripe mode, my clothes fit a lot better and some look way to big for me and they are. I’m still a work in progress, but after 3 months I’m finally seeing the changes. My ultimate weight goal is 200 lbs and a 31 inch waist. I would guess it will take another 6-9 months to hit that unless I increase my visits to the gym. We shall see and I’ll keep posting my progress as it’s somewhat cathartic to me writing about it. Now, if Blizzard would make a Wii World of Warcraft where you’d have to literally walk/run shoot, melee  in real time…I’d be set.



Filed under Whatever and ever Amen., World of Warcraft

3 responses to “I was pregnant!

  1. Colleen

    I’m super proud of you! I admire your ambition and scold myself for the lack of it. Not that I need it at the moment, but I know I will someday. I also wanted to say that I don’t think I’ve ever heard you be so crude, but this post also made me laugh the most!!! Annnnnd if there was a Wii World of Warcraft? I’d still do exactly what I do now and sit my ass in Dalaran…

    Lots of love and keep up the good work!!!

  2. Sam

    How did I miss this post! Grats buddy! Slow and steady win the race of weight loss. When Sushi plates stream by on the om-nom-nom-train eat as much as you want, but exercise as much as you eat – roughly 200 calories per mile! so a massive Sushi night might mean 10 miles or so – it’s doable but tough. The point is, you still can enjoy, but maintain the balance. Calories in versus calories out.

    What ever you are doing focus on the change being something you can see yourself doing and being happy with 5 years from now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s