Monthly Archives: April 2010

Mirror

Recently on a more deeper level I’ve been examining myself, my inner workings and over all personality traits. Self awareness on a more introspective level. Not sure if it’s my age (late 30’s) or situations that cause me to do so but it seems to be something each person does and does so on their own time and levels of views.

I know most of my faults and while I try to change them I always tend to fall back into the same rut or repeating myself wether it was last week or 10 years ago. Is this something we innately do just to feel comfortable with oneself, the feeling of feeling a certain way gives us some type of grounding? Some faults I have I simply don’t see, others see it and can quickly identify it yet unless they are very close they keep it to themselves unless pressed but how can I press something that I don’t know I do or don’t do?

My short list of faults include:

– Impatience

– Pride

– Egocentrism

– Reading into things too much

– Trust or lacktherof

– Cynicism

– Racist/m

– Cocky

– Self absorbed

– Self indulgent

– Selfish

– Shell-Fish — I love seafood

– Hypocritical

Just to name a few. Seems after writing it out in a list form I’m pretty much a typical doosh bag. Though, I think everyone has some of those if not all and more of those traits inside them…they just don’t admit it. The most used adjective I’ve been called– rarely to my face and to face I mean TO MY FACE not some email, anonymous forums or blog postings because those who call me names like that and if I personally know them are simply gutless pricks or chicks. So yea, the most common adjective would be “cocky” or “arrogant”. I can see that but overall I’m not. While I am confident I’m just as much not confident in many aspects of my life, career, being a father, husband, friend.

For me I think it’s more my facial expressions or body language that may convey me being cocky/arrogant. I can’t help my facial expression because I don’t really look in the mirror to ‘see’ how I look and know all of my facial movements and nuances. I find that interesting that – from what I’ve heard, read, seen that actors and public speakers will spend hours upon hours infront of mirrors or people practicing how they come across. I should do that. I think my expressions do come off aloof when it’s the exact opposite of how I’m feeling on any topics or situations.

In the past my actions and words have caused pain and anger with people that are close to me, I apologize for that. I’m sincerely a work in progress. I will make many mistakes along the way and maybe posting this is a mistake– to all 4 readers of my blog. I just find the human behavior and communication fascinating and the level of its intricacies (sp) effect everyone in some shape or form. Words are sooo powerful but I think self expression subliminal are just as impacting as a smile, nod, wink, brow movement or shrug.

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Filed under General Info, Whatever and ever Amen.

Consumption Saturday in OP

Saturday started early (for us) with our local hood having a neighborhood garage sale. They have this 2-3 times a year and since we’re not on the board of homeowners we always find out by the small sign they have posted at the entrances of our subdivision. I love garage sales…but I have to be in the mood. Sat I was in the mood. We got going around 8 am and hit a bakers dozen + and along they way I got an armband nano for my working out, but find out later it’s the wrong size. I bought my daughter a little statue figurine, but alix dropped it just after we bought it, a padlock for the gym, small clock radio – despite everything the iPhone 3G- it doesn’t have the capability of playing local radio, at least in KC area.

Digress.

Alo picks up bags of clothes, purses, nick-nacks in the following 3 hours. Our plan was to do GS then head to the OP Farmers Market but then it starts to rain, we go anyways. Not sure why we thought they’d have veggies & fruits but they didn’t. As if they – the farmers were on a different harvesting schedule than the rest of the world. They had planters, herbs and flowers. And I had the perfect parking spot.

We decided to do a ‘Taste of OP’ as our stomachs were getting grumbly having only Dunkin Donuts in them. First stop was Jose Peppers off of Metcalf and 103rd. They recently changed their Espinaca Dip pricing to be FREE with the order of any Entree or 99 cents on certain days or 3.99. No coupons needed. I’m guessing this was their marketing way of getting back at Mi Ranchito taking all their biz. Our blondie waitiress sat us right next to the bathrooms which was FAWESOME and I let her know how FAWESOME  it is sitting next to the shitters in a Quasi Mexican Eatery. Her reply was along the lines of “At least your also near the Kitchen smells!”.

Really?

I also noticed that Jose employs white kids vs. Mi Ranchito’s near exclusivity of hiring Mexicans or tanned employees. I prefer Mi Ranchito tanned employees over the post high school white kids as they kids seem un-caring, un-appreciative of our monies. We tend to love the Mi Ranchito near our home off of 151st & Antioch. They always are smiling, engaging us in conversation, they’ll flip the channel from Futbol to whatever I want without so much a nostril flare.

Digress again.

The Espinaca dip was wonderful. It’s lighter and more peppery than Mi but the chips aren’t as good. The red salsa was equal but seemed a bit more lemony. We chowed down our 1.5 bowls of chips, talked of the differences and left a 2.00 tip on a 5.00 bill.

We almost headed to Jack Stack but we were aiming for NEW. Granted Jose wasnt’ new but who can pass white cheese dip…?  It was now pouring, but it didn’t deter us. I headed toward Misery (Mizzou) stateline and decided to take Alo to the EBT establishment right one Stateline & 435. I see 2 older couples coming out the side door, so I thought it has to be open. Wrong. They didn’t open til 5 pm. It was 1. The older couples were ‘special’ guests. I haven’t eaten at EBT for at least 12 years but I do recall it being very good.

Since we were close to Jaspers, we headed there. I’ve read reviews and seen the owners chubby blush faced cheeks all over in local publications and we both love Italian food. We walked into the Jaspers door when we realized it was the Marco Polo we needed to eat at. Jaspers was closed. It’s basically one and the same. We saw the Spinach Salad with Gargonzolla cheese with Tuscan dressing special and loved it. It had a nice subtle blend of oils, the cheese was generous and the spinach was…spinach. You can’t really fuck up Spinach unless it’s old. Perusing the deli window Alix got some future dish ideas. The smells in the deli were delish. Good ‘taste’ stop.

We headed across the street to what we thought was an outdoor farmers market but was only Price Chopper disguised as a mom-pop market. We were suckers but didn’t buy anything. The clue was the Price Chopper bags and the produce looked TOO good.

The rest of the day took us to various grocery stores: Price Chopper, Wal-Mart, ALDI and one of my fav is the 888 Market– it’s all Asian, All the time. They happen to have the citys best prices on meat, specifically chicken. Alo got her normal 5 lbs of chicken boobs and I got my normal Japanese Gummi Muskat candies. (Apple). MMMMMm good.

Later in the evening we head back to Wal-Mart having been there 12 hours ago, my eyes were getting heavy from the lights of grocery stores. I noticed how much we USA peeps consume. How much we have at our disposal. It’s amazing. Simply. As I pushed the cart along my wife grabbing items left and right I felt a little sick of buying things. I wanted to crawl up to my computer and kill Naga’s. I wanted to stop being a consumer of food purchases and go heal a random 14 year old.

I was tired.

Alo, was invigorated. She makes us (the family) these predesigned meals. She buys bulk, cooks em, labels em, freezes em. We then will eat em up for the next 2 weeks. It saves us lots o cash and time. She cooked from 730-midnight.

I was lying in bed when she came up…having taste tested 3 of her creations my tummy and mind was going into food coma.

It was a good day.

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Filed under General Info, World of Warcraft

F-f-f-friday

What-a-week. My love loses a resident who meant a lot to her, a co-worker of mine also left this world way too early (she was in her 20’s), a close gamer friend was struck by a car a couple days ago and is pretty much ‘broken’ with years of rehab infront of him. All this week.

I feel very lucky to be alive on this blue earth of ours, while it’s all relative – I love being here. This smattering of time we have and in the bigger picture without getting too deep we are all just specs in a vast ‘world’/’universe’.

I have to say ‘relative’ because life is very much self absorbed. Not in a selfish way but unless you have a gift of empathy on a larger scale  then things that happen outside your ‘world’ don’t matter as much if they happened to you or your family & friends. This disconnect seems to be something growing year by year and it’s not just my cynicism. I see it on a day to day basis in my ‘golden ghetto’ where neighbors rarely talk with eachother or even know eachother’s names. As a child of the 70’s and 80’s things seemed much more friendlier. Less dangerous. Less random. Now, it’s touch and go with things around you.

Race, religion, politics, sexual preferences, who was kicked off Dancing With The Stars seem to be the only thing the mainstream talks about. There is much more (to me) than these topics which all are points of being dividing. Yet, we like to focus on the negatives of life vs. the good things like family, children, a smile, an acknowledgment of being. I try to do the good things as much as I can. My pride and impatience do get in the way but I’m trying. Despite what Yoda says there is such a thing called “Try”.

I don’t blame it on technology, families with divorce, single parents, ruling party or local government. I don’t blame anyone or entity. I have no clue why society – not all  but some – here in good ol’ USA is like this.

I stop and smell my roses every day.

My good deed today was giving a homeless man $6.00 cash – as I was downtown doing some work for my company and he wasn’t holding a sign or anything, just woddling along looking for cans/recyclables. I whistled, he slowly looked over and I flashed the cash. He took it and said ‘God Bless you, sir’. I replied, no problem- I’d give more but the KS Gov fucked me on taxes last week’. He grinned, the light turned green so I motored on. I really did get fucked by KS this week. I filed for an extension because I owe, sent me taxes in (TurboTax) but they (KS) decided to debit me anyways without my approval. Low and behold I check my account earlier this week and see a nice chunk taken out. It was painful. I had mushroom ear from being on the phone a lot this week.

I’d love to teabag the jerk-wod who pushed the ‘debit’ button on me in Topeka.

Anywhoo. Happy Friday. Count your blessings, loved ones, call your friends just to say hello and always leave on a good note.

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Filed under Whatever and ever Amen.

My Gamer Wife and Internet Cheating

The wife of a gamer is one that is … wait… lemme rephrase this. IF you game and have a significant other specifically a wife then you lead a very interesting life. I have been blessed with such a wife that gives me zero shit when I play. She doesn’t roll her eyes, give the ‘sigh’ deal, complains to me or others (far as I know and I trust her implicitly).

I’ve met all types of couples both married, engaged, bf/gf, living together etc. I’m a rare case. I appreciate the fact that I can play for 4-5 hours at a time, she brings me drinks, dinner/lunch, rubs my shoulders, kisses my neck and basically pampers me even when I’m dodging mind flays in Warsong Gulch. She congrats me on all my achievements, dings, goals in game as I verbally will yell out such happenings. I am spoiled but not the kind of spoiling where I don’t appreciate it or take it for granted. I love that she’s the way she is and isn’t.

We used to play together; WoW, SWG, SC etc. Her attention span on repetitive gaming like MMO’s – where there is a no-end game is slight at best. She got her Lock to level 40 something before she was deathly bored of mashing the keyboard. She played SWG until Sony Fucked it up with the CU (Combat Upgrade) debacle. She was awesome in SWG, we’d spend hours hunting, leveling, questing everything star wars. It was a golden age.

She blogs now. She literally has no time to game with her career on full tilt. I know when StarCraft 2 comes out she will find some time to play once more and build 8793 Protoss Cannons. She takes beautiful pictures on her outings with her residences. I recently showed her the basics of ‘free hosted’ blogging and she now rarely asks for help. Her attentions from online meanderings are much like mine with my interests waxing and waning but she’s fantastic at writing and communicating her views. The company blog she runs is 100% Alo.

You can check her blog HERE. It features events, outings, and things-going-on at her workplace. She’s the person who facilitates the day to day workings of Assisted Living.

I knew a couple from a few years ago where the husband would play a couple hours a night and more on the weekends. His wife whom he met via an online dating site was very nice and tolerated his time online. They’re still married after 5 years now, but he recently had to give it up to focus more on her. She, apparently started to game in another game – he was on WoW, she was on EQ2. They both were in popular guilds and soon sat by side when they gamed, I’d over hear her in Vent talking about drama in her guild/game–. His wife was in-between jobs when she started playing EQ2 more and more with so much time to herself that HE saw an issue happening before his very eyes. It’s not JUST men that can get addicted to gaming.

He sent me an ingame email for fear his wife could read his ‘normal’ email and it basically said he’s caught his wife ‘cheating’ with another guy from her guild in EQ2. He wanted advice and asked me if i’ve ever come across sit’s like this. I have. However, there is a lot of gray area when it  comes to ‘cheating’ online. Is ‘flirting’ cheating? Is /kiss /hug /bmoc /lick forms of actual vow cheating? These were the questions I had to clarify before I could offer any advice on his next careful steps.

My humble opinion is any conversations in email, vent, face to face, letters where there is intent of being romantically involved or straight up ‘lets meet and fuck’ themes IS cheating. I believe if there is will there is intent and therefore is cheating. Compliments, emotes like above aren’t in their most basic context unless it’s reciprocated with intent. If it’s playful banter and its PUBLIC knowledge, like say in guild chat/vent then to me that’s fine. I flirt ingame. Not so much anymore since most of my friends are now in other guilds…lol. ❤ Sokym!

I knew of one married guy just last year who took flirtations to new levels. He’d act innocent when I’d call him on it but these guildy ladies ‘followed’ him around like little puppies. It was an ingame -inside joke amongst the core guildies, when they’d start flirting with him and his wife was totally oblivious to it. Come to find out they kinda have an ‘open’ relationship since she has male visitors come by every few months to stay a few days at their home, the guy having never met these ‘men‘. Since it’s ‘open’ my views on his marriage are out the door since to each his/her own on their time. It was rather funny though hearing how his wife is galavanting around town while this guys at work – working for the City Government busting his ass. Social work in Government with @sshole bosses and 21 supervisors sucks eggs. I’m pretty cock sure about my relationship but there’s no way in hell I’d have some stranger my wife met online – even if she knew him before me – go spend time with her when I’m not there. See, there’s the ‘gray’ area of where one draws the line. To me, that one is obvious. I believe that’s called ‘cuckold‘. Sure, I trust my wife but I don’t trust strangers WITH my wife.

So back to the cheating EQ2 wife. He tells me they have exchanged their email address, talk on Yahoo chat and in Vent. He’s not sure about the cell phone since she pays the bills. (lol) He’s not sure what they talk about but he’s upset. I tell him to spend more time with her. Go do things together. Log off. There’s something wrong with their marriage if this has gotten to this stage and my only side of the story is HIS. Divorce sucks and if it can be avoided then work on it.  He confronts her a few days later after our talk and she admits the transgression. She tells him that the online guy simply paid more attention to her and listened to her. She needs and wants attention. So, they both decided to quit gaming for awhile (they still don’t play). He re-focused his priorities and my last convo was they’re much happier now. She apparently told the online guy thanks for your support but she loves her husband (awww).

I’ve also witnessed many cyber relationships actually work out. Mostly for long distance hook ups. Whatever floats your boat and gets you off.

I met my wife online too, not gaming though, a local dating site that got bought out a few years back. I think it’s pretty effin cool when you meet another online since your initial impressions are usually what they ‘write’ vs. how they look. I would read her forum postings, her articulate ways about her prose. Her short verse, long verse, her spelling. I became literally (pun) enchanted with her. Then the bonus part being she’s hot. Super Bonus she gamed. Big Wamo Bonus she loves me for me!

Bar, social gathering happen-stance dating seems archaic now.

Anywho– long post, but wanted to share.

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Get Teh F Out!

My fellow gamers. Get the fuck out of your house, apartment, mom’s basement, dorm room and get outside! You need to get some sun shining down on your face. Go for a walk with your wife/so. Spend some time off line and smell the air. Take deep breathes in through the nose and exhale out the mouth.

Do some much needed yard work. Clean your car by hand. Talk to your neighbors. Go for a jog or play a sport.

Get off your cottage cheese ass and MOVE.

It’s Spring time! Enjoy life the way it needs to be enjoyed, – outside.  It’s not too cold or too hot right now (least in KC) and soon it’ll bee TOO hot to be outside unless your swimming or naked.

I don’t wanna see you naked.

A friend of mine has been playing excessively online. He logs in as soon as he gets home from work – which he doesn’t like by the way but has to keep appearances up that he’s a valued and needed worker- and logs out around midnight. I told him to not burn out. He has a wife, no kids so he does have some selfish time to spend, and of all people I know about excessive gaming.

Just recently though (since Nov) with my re-views on what I SHOULD be doing with my life it’s slowly, progressively gotten better. As I post about once a month, I’m on a regular exercise regimen, eating relatively healthy and DOING things. I am gaming less but spending more time with my family, including our 3 shit machines (dogs). Last week we went to the dog park and never seen them be so happy, they were FREE* to run around without leashes, without me or Alo yelling at them to stop. They were reluctant at first but when they all realized there was nothing holding them back they just took off running. Even the fat one.

They were all smiles, tongues flapping everywhere, seeing other dogs they did the sniffing butt greeting then off they went again in full sprints. It was fantastic. Alo and I were amazed at how spry they are/were. They pretty much are kept inside all day unless we take them out, we don’t have a fence for them to play in. They ‘are’ house dogs- least their sizes are: miniature poodle, pomeranian and a schnauser.

I related to their happiness and freedom with my own re-evaluation of being healthier. I do feel more spry. I can’t sprint but I can endure much more. My tongue does stick out from time to time. I also am wanting to show my kids that an active parent is something they should see themselves doing when they’re parents.

Don’t get me wrong, I still game and do spend copious amounts of time online but I do so now with a goal of balance. I logged in for 1 hour lastnight. Spent 2 hours in the gym, took my son with me and my wife. We had a nice baked chicken salad after and talked / watched TV.

Balance.

So, my friend who games to much- get your legs and arms working in proper order. Not just mashing the keyboard buttons and your mouth for speaking in Vent. The goals of your gaming arent’ on a timer, they’ll still be there when you get back from breathing fresh air and pumping some blood into your heart (at a faster rate). Something as simple as a walk around the block will do wonders. Trust me.

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Filed under Daily Dose, General Info, Whatever and ever Amen.