Recently on a more deeper level I’ve been examining myself, my inner workings and over all personality traits. Self awareness on a more introspective level. Not sure if it’s my age (late 30’s) or situations that cause me to do so but it seems to be something each person does and does so on their own time and levels of views.
I know most of my faults and while I try to change them I always tend to fall back into the same rut or repeating myself wether it was last week or 10 years ago. Is this something we innately do just to feel comfortable with oneself, the feeling of feeling a certain way gives us some type of grounding? Some faults I have I simply don’t see, others see it and can quickly identify it yet unless they are very close they keep it to themselves unless pressed but how can I press something that I don’t know I do or don’t do?
My short list of faults include:
– Reading into things too much
– Trust or lacktherof
– Self absorbed
– Self indulgent
– Shell-Fish — I love seafood
Just to name a few. Seems after writing it out in a list form I’m pretty much a typical doosh bag. Though, I think everyone has some of those if not all and more of those traits inside them…they just don’t admit it. The most used adjective I’ve been called– rarely to my face and to face I mean TO MY FACE not some email, anonymous forums or blog postings because those who call me names like that and if I personally know them are simply gutless pricks or chicks. So yea, the most common adjective would be “cocky” or “arrogant”. I can see that but overall I’m not. While I am confident I’m just as much not confident in many aspects of my life, career, being a father, husband, friend.
For me I think it’s more my facial expressions or body language that may convey me being cocky/arrogant. I can’t help my facial expression because I don’t really look in the mirror to ‘see’ how I look and know all of my facial movements and nuances. I find that interesting that – from what I’ve heard, read, seen that actors and public speakers will spend hours upon hours infront of mirrors or people practicing how they come across. I should do that. I think my expressions do come off aloof when it’s the exact opposite of how I’m feeling on any topics or situations.
In the past my actions and words have caused pain and anger with people that are close to me, I apologize for that. I’m sincerely a work in progress. I will make many mistakes along the way and maybe posting this is a mistake– to all 4 readers of my blog. I just find the human behavior and communication fascinating and the level of its intricacies (sp) effect everyone in some shape or form. Words are sooo powerful but I think self expression subliminal are just as impacting as a smile, nod, wink, brow movement or shrug.