Almost a year?

Jeeze I’ve been not caring too much about blogging, like others social media venues have taken over blogging in general.

So what’s happened in the life of me since the last post?

• My van died
• Bought a used car for my son of which promptly died a week later. Yay for not taking it to our mechanic for a looksy. Lesson learned.
• Lost more poundage
• Gained more knowledge on healthy choices
• Didn’t bike as much due to the overly hot summer/fall temps.
• More freelance came my way
• Sold a couple originals drawings
• My eyesight gets worse every quarter
• Our summer was nice despite the temps
• We decided to cancel our Lifetime Fitness during the months of Nov-April since we don’t go enough but resigned up to Planet Fitness. 150.00 vs. 10.00 a month is a kinda big deal.
• I sold my Mox Ruby and felt bad.
• I sold 2 other cards and made close to 800.00 in 10 mins…still felt bad.
• My daughter is a freshman/men/woman and she had a rough start but is adjusting nicely
• I recently let a friend take over my prepaid WOW account and he’s enjoying it and leveling my toons. YAY
• I started playing SWTOR but quickly got bored. IDK what’s wrong with my MMO’s fervor…it’s lost.
• We had puppies on Easter. 4 of em. 2 sold 2 stayed so the odds of me stepping in shit and piss has tripled.
• My son will graduate in a couple months. God willing.
• I’m a quasi Grand Dad – my step daughter popped one out a few months back. Excited that my gray hairs will go with being a Grand Dad.
• I helped develop 3 iPhone/Android apps – developed in the graphics/image/theme areas. I don’t code…well.
• My wife and I decided to go 6 weeks as hybrid Vegans/Vegetarians…we have 5 days left. More below.
• My rogaine is thankfully still working.
• I tweet a lot more.
• My son is a really good beat boxer. My daughter is honing her acting skills with 2 HS plays already under her belt.
• My wife is on the verge of fulfilling a career dream goal. Patiently waiting.
• I have less close friends.

 

So yeah, I’ve had an interesting 2 years on focusing on my health. I’ve done the juice fasting with phenominal results. Almost a year later only gained 30% back. Then recently lost half of that. So we were watching Netflix and per usual we click thru more movies than actual viewing movies until we tried some documentary on 6 weeks being a Vegan. For those who don’t know, like religion there are many variances to the name. Vegans are strict eaters. They don’t eat anything with a face. That kinda sums it up. Oh and no processed foods. That seems to be more extreme than a 30 day juice fast…and it is. I went 8 days being a Vegan. We flipped the bitch and decided to go Vegetarian…and we stuck to it unless I eat something made of meat in the next 5 days when it ends.

In this time period since Jan 1, (our last meal was at Hereford House…ya booieee). I have lost 12 pounds but it fluctuates +/- 2 pounds any given day. Kinda frustrating. My wife has taken up going to the gym every morning. (fuck that.) And she has for 2 weeks now./proud She hasn’t lost as much, more like 3-5 pounds…and she’s very pissed about it and don’t blame her. I try to keep encouraging her but I don’t think it will matter if she doesn’t see results faster.

SO after this journey, not sure what will do next. We DO continue to eat with better foods, more organic and non modified foods, smaller portions, etc. I also found out through this that I’m lactose intolerant. My body immediately changed. It was awesome…kinda.

I think that covers what I want to tell the world from the past 11 months.

=)

 

 

Easily annoyed at 40

Easily I am.

 

Annoyed.

 

Older I get the more tolerant I get but less tolerant when something interrupts my normal day to day routine. I seem to have a lower threshold for things that somehow someway come into my life without warning. Work/Career things like that are nothing, I expect that. Home life, not so much. I keep telling myself to relax. Relax. Life IS good kid, relax.

Prime example: 2 weeks ago I come home from work for 10 mins when there’s a knock on the door and open it to two pimply faced high school kids and a mini van parked in my drive-way. I said ‘Yes?’ — and one of the kids kinda snottily says ‘We’re here to practice’…’Ash here’?  In that millisecond of him saying my sons name my anger went from a 2 to an 9.

I have no reason to get that angry. None. I didn’t show it on the outside too much, I asked the kid to hold on. Ash was already at the top of the stairs and I could read on his face all the outs he could make up by the time I said ‘What the fuck?’.  Long story short, he had neglected asking me if his friends could come over and jam, he had also forgot to cancel his other band practice. My son is very musically talented. I relented but also wasn’t visually happy about the whole situation. They jammed for 3 hours, but I luckily left. Things like that. I used to be a lot more flexible than that…granted I did let it happen. Talking to the parent who dropped the boys off she offered to leave and I refused and said it was OK but my son needs to let me know ahead of time. I see myself as that old fuck Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.

Things are changing rapidly it seems. Faster weeks, time is flying by with all the cliches that go with it. I guess at 40 this is considered my hey-day. I am happy. Not so much content but I don’t think anyone can really be content and still breathing. Maybe I’m at the precipice of a mid-life crisis?

I was reading a foreigners blog the other day and saw that he recently changed his diet. Not so much a lifestyle change but he stopped eating less of something. Something that has a long term health detriment. He seems so proud of himself and I applaud him. It takes small steps like that to change and keep it consistent. I wanted to tell him to cut this and that out of his diet and within one week you’ll see this change about yourself….but I can’t. It’s hard repressing oneself when it comes to things that personal. Especially since I’ve been through it myself…I’m not like others who will offer their opinion with blanket know-it-all unsolicited advice, I can’t do it unless asked. If asked, then I’ll Jimmy the Super-Fly Snooka your butt with info on what I can add to whatever your needing advice on.

That is all. Have a good weekend to all and good luck KU.

Oh and in Honor of Tony of Kansas City…

 

Captain and Coke and Magic and Fat

 

DRINK

Only recently in the past 5 months have I even considered drinking anything of the alcoholic beverage arena beyond beer and wine. My past prime drinking stages basically were from 11th grade in HS into College. Once I married I only drank beer and that was only socially. TO say I had a drinking problem in school would almost be spot on. I only lost one job to it. I showed up 3 hours late for my gig as a waiter for Mother’s Day at Holiday Inn (Omaha). They fired me on the spot. Mother’s day..I guess is a busy day.

My tolerance for drinking was at it’s peak in College. Now…not so much. I can drink a lot if it’s spread out a lot. i.e. 3 beers an hour vs. 3 beers 1/2 hour but then my bladder has apparently shrunk over the years and can really only hold 8 ounces before I HAVE TO PEE. It’s sad really.

This past December I was on my annual work trip to Atlantic City and one of our Account Reps ordered a Captain and Coke. He’s a drinker by trade (sales) and he normally is very reserved but he took a sip and said ‘Ahhhh.’  Intrigued I ordered one over my Blue Moon. It was delish. It was booth smooth and sweet. Not over powering and the balance was topped off by the glass it held it in. I ordered 3 more. Luckily our eatery was on the PIERS which is connected to Caesars Palace which was my Hotel and only had to stumble along with fellow co workers to get to my room. The morning came and having to work our booth I had a very good surprise. No hangover remnants. Nothing.

The history of Rum and Coke or Pepsi in my Marital life is one of interest. My first wife – all she drank and only drunk was Rum and Coke, Jack and Coke. THat makes for an expensive night out. I could afford it back then because when we dated we had zero kids and lived at home…well..I did…her parents kicked her out. My lovely wife of today ALSO only really drinks Jack/Rum and Pepsi – she likes wine but not so much as she does a good RnC.

There’s something very calming about the drink. Readily admitting I’m a noob at drinking – I think I will enjoy this journey into drinking again. Thank you Wife.

 MAGIC

This will be my 5th week coming up in a friggin row where I’m playing Magic the Gathering in an official capacity. That being, reporting to WOTC/Hasbro. I’ve played 3 weeks of FNM – Friday Night Magic where I went 3-1, 3-1 n 3-1 with my ‘white weenie’ deck full of wonderful 1-2 drops. Like most of my addictions I always come back to them eventually. Also picked up a Mox Ruby from trading away some playable cards and feel he may have gotten the better deal but…w/e. I have a Mox now.. This weekend was National Gaming Weekend and most game stores had events going on for the weekend and I participated in a the Standard tournament – meant to be the Grand Prix Trial for Indy but not enough peeps signed up. I used the same WW deck but tweaked with with black and green for Spirits and Parallel View to double my love of tokens. I went 2-1-1 and made top 8 but lost to mana screw both games 0-2. It was a fun night too as my wife and I sipped Captain and Cokes while downing fried foods at the local sports bar.

FAT

Today is my 3rd venture into Juice Cleansing. i.e. only drinking liquids in the way of vegetable and fruit juices* *I allow myself Coffee with non-dairy.
First round was 28 pounds lost gaining back 8 (30 days). 2nd round was 10 lost gaining back 5. (10 days)  One will always gain back due to what your doing which is NOTHING is in your belly.So I’m trying to get a cushion of able weight I gain back.  i.e Lose 30 gain 10 = net 20 loss. I always feel so much better doing these things, everything is much better. Everything.  Mind, body, confidence, focus, saves me a TON of eat out food. Typically I spend 6-9 dollars for lunch and same for dinner. =)  It’s not luck to do this it’s complete and utter will power. Mind over Fat Matter.

 

Soap Operas

My first introduction to Soaps was when I was a lil kid in Omaha. I’d come home from school, go straight to the kitchen grab 3 Oreos or Chocolate Chip cookies and a big ol glass of whole milk. This was the mid 70’s…we had milk delivered to us in glass bottles by our front door. I was also a latch key kid who walked to school to and from unless it was a blizzard to lightening. Thought I’d clarify I was a child of self sufficiency.

Ours read 'Roberts Dairy'.

This is our actual TV model...

I’d plop down in front the Sylvania and watch the last 5-10 mins of ‘The Edge of Night’ – mainly because there was nothing else to do and I didn’t want to miss the opening score/scene of the 60’s BATMAN which was what I was waiting for.

The Edge of Night

So I sit there and watch this drama unfold and see the beautiful women with long flowing big banged hair talk, kiss and slap men with big moustaches. I knew my Mom loved watching these shows and often wondered why. The show ends and I watch my BATMAN with Adam West, immediately clean up my mess then go outside and play til my Mom yells for me – usually right around dusk time. Golden days.

Flash to my College days. I work and go to school and get a job at a reservations center for Hotels – Carlson Travel Network. My hours are such that I’m able to watch ”The Young and the Restless’ followed by ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’. on my 1 hour break. Yes..1 hour. The ladies also monopolize the break room with me for the ONE TV so we pretty much own the break room. I catch up and learn all about the characters, fall in love with Hunter Tylo. This goes on til I land a job as an intern at The Garden Cafe as a graphic designer. My schedule isn’t working for daytime soaps. I forget about them. Sorta.

Hunter Tylo before her plastic surgery super disaster.

Few years down the road I’m working 2 jobs – 2nd and 3rd shift back to back – to take care of my soon to be born first child, my son! My schedule is 2:30-10:30 then Midnight til 6:30. One as a Graphic Designer for ‘Pull Tabs’ – think scratch offs for the Lotto and the other is for a company called ‘Black Dot’ which works with large publications to produce magazines. I’d work in the photo dept touching up images for 6 hours straight. Course I’d get home when everyone was heading to work and could really only sleep 4-5 hours but when I was awake I’d catch up on my Soaps. This lasted 6-7 months. I missed Hunter.

Now – my soaps aren’t daytime Soaps. Mine are prime time shows and most recently ABC’s REVENGE. I recently had 2 weeks off of work and during that time – experimented with new shows via HULU plus and Netflix. Revenge caught me because of the whole Soap Opera feel.  My wife and I enjoy dramas a lot. This one fit the niche and hopefully will fill the Daytime Soaps – although I could DVR the daytimes….. =)

Two Twelve

Juice-A-Palooza

This is my 2nd or 3rd phase of juicing, I think I maybe addicted to it. Not the beginning the middle and especially the end. It starts out like someone took away your fav drugs, candy, toys, etc. After awhile it becomes a dull sensation and on the 3rd or 4th day – I’m currently on my 3rd – it feels…BETTER. I’ve written about this before from the summer but the process is one of transformation. My wife and I took a break from the ‘good healthy eats’ during the months of November and December, we felt it was too much to ask of ourselves to be that boring when it came to socializing and eating with friends and family. That…and we LOVE food. LOVE IT. Our weekends usually revolve around places we explore to eat, try a new dish or visit one of our normal eateries.

During the Nov-Dec months we both gained a few – for me it was 5 lbs…not sure what she gained. 5 doesn’t sound like a lot but it is. It was/is solid fat gain. I usuallu fluctuate 3-4 pounds but this 5 pounds stayed on for several days in a row – to me that was the barometer for gaining weight, if it stays on for 3+ days. So – we talked about our own plans….

Alix is going for 15 on and 15 off. 15 days of pure juicing and 15 days of pure raw/cooked veg and fruit solids. Makes sense. =)  I will be doing the 30 days juicing of only veg and fruits with ONE exception. Since this isn’t necc. a cleanse or detox I decided to keep Coffee in my diet. Non-Dairy cream like soy or coconut or almond for the replacement. Coffee just makes me feel good and satisfied. My own liquid comfort food. =)

I started out at 222.2 pounds on Monday and as of this morning Wednesday the 4th am at 219.4 – I’m on target. Judging from my last successful juice run I will consistently lose 1 lb a day around the 5 or 6th day. The middle part is the easiest. Exercise will consist of non impact swimming, biking, eliptical and spinning. We also walk the dogs but that’s normal. Next chance I get I will be getting a trainer for my bike.

My end goal is to hit 30 days or 195 lbs. I figure once I’m off the juice I will gain back +5-6 lbs as normal so I will be happy with 200. I’m very excited to be on this path again. Chopping at the bulge in bursts like this with immediate results is so much better than ‘dieting’ or trying to do a fake diet…. knowing what to expect also helps me with future run ins with foods and smells. I need to forbid the kids from making popcorn though…that’s a killer smell….and noodles….oh my god I love asian noodles…or japanese noodles to be more specific. I plan on posting weekly or sometimes daily updates on this process. If you have any questions for me please feel free to post here or you can email me at ntknight3@yahoo.com

iPhone 4s

I was on ATT my wife was on ATT then I switched to Sprint (homer) she moved to T-Mobile then realized it was a mistake and now is with me on Sprint. I talked her into an Apple product. My wife at her core being is a non-conformist and seeing everyone loving Apple products, especially her husband who basically makes a living off of his  has resisted the change. She had a BlackBerry and loved it (I bought one for her last July)- and loved the QWERTY keyboard vs. touch screen. Eventually the BB broke- the ball kept sticking. We decided new phones for the kids for Christmas and my iPhone 3G contract with ATT was over this past summer. Blah Blah Blah.
Now she and I both are drinking the kool-aid of the iPhone4s and Siri……and Siri being the reason why my wife decided to make the change. I showed her the wonder of Siri, texting without using the keyboard, finding places…basically the commercial you see on TV but Siri can’t do it all but it’s a very good beginning. I also felt good making the switch from ATT to a hometown company of Sprint. I know Sprint is still a huge conglomerate machine but in my mind I think I’m helping my neighbors and friends who are employed by Sprint.

My new years resolutions are basics but important – spend more time with my kids. They are both in their teens and as such don’t spend much time with me as it is but I know from Alix’s experience that they will want to be on their own, make stupid life changing decisions and I want to be able to share THIS time much more with them before they’re thrown out into the world of shit (life). They will have to deal with enough crap out of our home that I want their time with us that much more enjoyable or in some cases for them – more tolerable. My others include better money management which will take care of most everything else. =)

Happy New Year to my faithful 3 readers and 4 randoms!

 

 

 

My Thankful list. 2LDR.

I’m one of those fan bois of lists, top tens, best of, worst of…maybe it’s the brevity of it all. Maybe because I like to read my own words? I do know I made myself a point to ‘journal’ by the ideals of one Kim Ades whom I met in October. She’s a fine Canadian strong woman who will simply pwn you when it comes to calling you out in front of an audience. My actual journaling lasted a week so I digress to Twitter and this Blog. Facebook will never count as Journaling because of it’s audience.

Things I’m Thankful for 2011

• My Health : taking control of what I put into and around my body has made my mind much clearer and a goal to try and live a longer one…while blocking out the negatives like If I live longer I’ll endure more pain. Funny how that works huh?
• My Wife: Cliche as it is but she puts up with my bullshit. My mood swings, my gas, my temper tantrums when I drive my minivan. My wanting of sex at the most in opportune times. My wanting to go on fasting diets in the middle of Thanksgiving (who does that?). She’s my love who I found in of all places Leavenworth(less).
  
• My Kids: The reason for getting up everyday. The reason I work harder, eat less and spend more. It’s hard to explain to a non-breeder but having a kid(s) changes you quickly and slowly – you realize the remnants of you will go on…the good and bad. I have tons of fears when it comes to their future..so much so I may need to see a therapist. I care too much I think.
  
• My career: I cannot help but realize on a day to day basis that what I do in my life since graduating college was easy. Cake. I don’t struggle or hate what I do. I may not like certain situations or things that I have zero control over but overall I love what I do and am proud to be a creative person that was passed on down to me from my parents. I have a ton of freedom. One could say I’m lucky and in some areas I am but I strongly believe you make your own luck and pretty much in control of your own happiness. I also have the lil devil on my shoulder whispering to me about how all of this could end today and I’d be back on the internet looking for another ‘job’….I’m fine with that.
  
• Lacking jealousy: This un-redeeming quality is something I only have when it comes to the fantasy world. In reality I’m never jealous of the good or better things other people have or situations that are better than mine. Thru the years of my life I’ve seen relationships in my family and friends fall apart because one or both didn’t like what the other was doing based solely on jealousy. Even in small things like clothes or gaming friends…it’s very strange to me to not like someone for this reason. This also comes up to me in thinking about the 99% people squatting and trying to make a point about big biz. I think the underlying basis is righteous however it comes down to personal responsibility. Don’t have a job? Get one? Want to do better in life? Work for it. Don’t blame the 1% for your life decisions. Corporate greed will exist and greed itself is the driving force for life itself…It is true what Gordon Gecko said about greed being good. It’s essence is what drives people to work, get that bigger TV, the phone, education, etc. My philosophy on the ‘rich’ is without them most of todays society and infrastructure would fall apart in weeks.
  Weeks. Kill the Rich and you kill yourself. It would be a world full of Wal Mart shoppers without a Walmart to shop at….It’s all linked up. I do agree that the bonus’s and bail outs weren’t right – I wanted the banks and car companies to fail…that was the essence of capitalism that quickly turned into nationalism – thanks Bush and Obama…I could go on.
•  My mini van:  It’s a 1995 Ford Windstar White Mini Van. I bought it with Enron money and paid it off with Enron money. My first wife wanted something to hold our two kids and tote shit around in. I got it in 1999 – thinking that once 2000 hit and everything goes to shit because of the Y2K bug – all payments and bills would be erased. I was wrong. I’m not a Ford fan and won’t ever be. I was forced to buy it under duress. It’s lasted 12 fucking years. Thats like 250 years in other car company years. It’s had it’s engine rebuilt thanks to some minimum wage ass hat at the 119th and Metcalf Walmart employee forgot to put my oil cap back on while some cheap idiot was the one who brought it to them in the first place because an oil change was $15.95. Walmart paid for my rebuilt engine because the Ford dealership said they ruined it. So I have a van bought with Enron money that Ford Co. intimidated Walmart to rebuild it’s engine. This van is destined to be great. In it’s current state the windshield wipers engine is broke, the back window that is supposed to slightly open hinge broke so is now held together by a rope. This past summer my daughter slammed my passenger door so hard it refused to shut so now thats held closed by a belt. The internal light in the floor boards will stay on for around 2 hours anytime you run it. THere’s a car door bell that stays on if it’s over 32 degrees and the car lights are on when your under 15 mph. It’s transmission knocks and sounds like a sledge hammer whenever I put into drive or go from 2nd to 3rd gear. There’s an ever growing rust wheel well growth on both sides of the rear tires. The AC needs recharged.
  Now the things that are good about it: It’s been paid off since 2002 – I cashed in some stocks of Enron to pay it off…before the debacle. It runs. I have no car payments of any kind for over 9 years! The heater works. It has cheap tires. It hauls shit. It holds my bikes. You can fuck it in without pulling a muscle. It gets stares from soccer moms in the golden ghetto like no other vehicle. These stares aren’t ones of envy but laughter. My driver side electronic window still works. The middle console lighter thing still works to charge my iPhone. It runs.
  
• Being a Native American: It’s simply…Awesome. Besides mezzicans – which we are very closely related to besides the work ethics on gardening and road work – we are true americans. Yes, I’m a half breed much like a muggle but I consider myself a native. I mark all those census and applications as such. Why is it awesome? Self tanning.
  
• Technology: gives me something to do other than read books.
• America: The best country in the world and beyond. The ones who migrate here legally or otherwise are here for a reason.

 

Done Hacked

I have respect for hackers. Then again when someone hacks you – I don’t..but then again it maybe my fault. I posted about my life this past week and somehow/someway it’s gone. I’ll summarize.

• Playing WoW again – I took up Druid tanking. Fredler likes women with bewbies, Maji is a machine, the Fat Colombian (LOGTAR’D) lost his kingdom and some friends and I just got my Tyrael Mount! SWTOR is next month!
• I have zero respect for anyone able bodied that lives off the Gov’ment and other people – namely  my step daughter’s boyfriend.
• My daughters middle school ‘Blue Valley Middle School’ prefers to sweep bullying under the rug vs. taking actual action against the parents/children of the Golden Ghetto.
• Time for another visit to Jersey!

That about sums up my hacked deleted post. It could either be my wife for naming her daughter’s boyfriend for being a deadbeat leech or Fredler who has man sex with Logtard and is protecting him from a mean American Indian. I think it was Obama.

 

Veggie Tales

I made a half ass attempt at a half ass diet consisting of veggies and fruits. Raw and cooked. It lasted a week. I lost 5 lbs.
It sucked. I realized that I’m not a half ass person when it comes to certain things, one being my eating habits. It’s a completely different horse when you go from a super strict cleanse juice fast to what I call ‘half ass’. Hunger and lack of will power won this 2nd round. Man enough to admit defeat. Sure I can go 30 days on nothing but super foods but when it came to actual raw vegs and fruits on a daily basis I lost. Adding butter and salt in copious amounts meant I was cheating. Having something in any shade of ‘white’ was cheating as I had bread. Bread…which if you have any kind of background in nutrition education would know that breads are the meth of eating wrongly. Here’s a simple way to lost a good 10 pounds in a month….don’t eat anything ‘white’ – if it’s light and white in color it’s bad for you. Think about it and you shall see I’m white.(right)……

So now I am re-evaluating my next step in my dietary journey of looking like a non-native american.

I am scheduled to pickup my first ‘real’ bike tonight. !!!! Very excited. Very.

I read some other friends of mine are on their own personal goals on weight loss and makes me smile and happy for their choice to change themselves. It seems there are a ton of talkers and just a handful of do’ers. Reading some formerly prolific bloggers who post they are going to do this and that then they never follow thru….you set yourself up for fail that way I think. That would be something that goes for many. Me included…but I’m a real work in progress. Dammit Mr. Miyagi!

Rooting for oneself is a given isn’t?

Yes. It. Is.

 

Gaming:  I am currently on a gaming hiatus. I don’t know why. I am creating more stuff, drawing more, photoshopping just because. I wouldn’t mind tea bagging some Horde but my PC simply hates Blizzard. Once I give enough blood I’ll be able to afford a ProMac. I love Macs.

My lovely daughter is once again the star of her Volleyball team. This year is different, it’s the first year she isn’t playing for ‘Holy Cross’. She’s playing for her school again but a new school and it’s level of play is about 5 shades higher in skill level which is perfect for what she needed to grow and learn the game. Her season is half-way done and I haven’t missed a game! My father set the precedence for going to almost all of my sporting events. He’d show up dressed in his Art Director suits and cheer me on. I do the same for both kids. Just that now my son has lost all interest in sports besides watching it. It’s the age of his youth I guess. Sucks. Video games, movies, TV = no real motivation…and I can’t relate – even when I was his age….fuggit.

This week’s fall line up summary.

The Office: Yes.
Charlies Angels: No.
Big Bang Theory: No.
Modern Family: Yes. Colombia S.A. has an uncanny …uncanny I say way of producing amazing females.
Any CSI: No.
Community: Undecided.
TOSH.O: premiere had it’s moments…most of it sucked.
Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Yes.

Happy Autumn!

 

 

New Tings.

My wife started Drum class this past winter and loved it. I bought her one for Christmas but after the first drum circle (via Meetup.com) I realized I got a ‘small’ one and wasn’t really what one uses for drumming. Being a Native American- the drums I’ve seen, been around are the very very large ones where one beats in unison of has a particular ‘part’.

Our first drum circle and other ones she attended I simply watched or didn’t go. As the changes in my physical weight changed so has my attitude about trying new things and making it a conscience decision to do so – weekly. The ability for me to not just ‘SAY’ I will do something but to actually ‘DO IT’ leads to more opportunity for me (at least) and I get to see the world in a more wider vision. Wow..I sound like a hippie. I plan on purchasing a used one or maybe a new one depending on cost – and sit along side my wife and drum away. Once I get my feet wet my leading goal is to see about getting in locally with another tribe and drum for them. There are some tribes that allow inter-tribal drummers but it’s certainly not common.

My biking adventure is also started – I’m training myself at the gym via spinning/cycling stationary as our last bike pretty much fell apart and we returned it with a bad taste in our mouth and I felt like I really failed by not doing my own homework. This is an excuse and perhaps it’s true – but I can’t really take impact sports very well. My body reacts kinda weirdly lately. Impact like running, jogging. I can do it but the results after are not worth it – cramping, pulls, etc. However, I will hit the treadmill and give it a go considering the last 5k I ran I weighed an extra 35 pounds. I’m focusing on non-impact exercising – cycling and swimming. Less stress on my fragile body. 

All these new endeavors should be fun and entertaining. A body in motion as they say…

 

I’m not pregnant.

I’m 100000% to blame for formerly being a fat fucktard. Formerly. 37 days ago I started a: cleanse, fasting, juice fast, etc. In that time I ate via my juicer only organic/fresh produce in the form of vegetables and fruits. I lost a pound a day. In the 30 days of the fasting my total weight loss was 28 pounds. I ‘cheated’ once on my Birthday – to which I had broccoli florets, small peach and something else veggie but can’t remember since the taste of fresh broccoli was all I could think of.

I’ve posted in the past my change of lifestyle over the past 18 or so months, I worked out 3,4, 5 times a week. I was tired of looking in the mirror and not recognizing who that was. I KNOW I’ll never be the person I was but I can build a better me NOW. I started the fasting coming in at 235 pounds – which to me is still HUGE. Consider I weighed in at the Doc’s office at 256 pounds back on Jan 6th, 2011… so a week later from the ending of my fasting I gained 1 pound which fluctuates +1 or -1 this past week. Essentially it’s what ever is in my system be it water or food. Last night I started my physical routine once more but moved up from our small local gym Planet Fitness – which I will miss…to Lifetime Fitness – the grand daddy of inclusive gyms. My son and I shot hoops for 1/2 hour then I did some circuit training with halving my normal reps (15 x 3) then finished off with cycling (spinning) with a goal of 15 miles. I had to stop at 6.5 due to my nips being slowly chewed off by my shirt.

So here I am sitting/standing/biking at a weight of 209-10 pounds. My 9 month old pregnant belly has been reduced to a slight / small / ish version of a muffin over flowing. My pants went from 40 to 34. My goal now is to focus on my cardio and heart health. Stamina coupled with a wide range of sports – that would be cycling, swimming and light jogging. Stuff I can do on my own or with others…

Other changes include less gaming. Sitting on ones ass for more than 2 hours a night is a waste of my time. Sure I still play games but I’m balancing it with hitting the weights, walking the dogs, riding a bike….simple but easy transitions in my life are making huge impacts on my overall attitude as well. I’m looking very forward to the new MMO for Star Wars, more EVE online and soon – Diablo III. Once I get my ProMac set up I’ll also play some WoW. I miss Fredler and his English humor even though he’s a bonafide hick. …

Another cool thing? I have actually influenced a couple people I work with to try certain aspects of my fasting. One even went out and bought a ‘Juicer’. I get almost daily questions about how I did this and that. It’s one thing to see commercials and ads on TV and the Web but it’s entirely different if you see first hand someone you know personally have actual transformations. Some real world advice I give is that if you do plan a fast is to first speak with a doctor. I think a 5 day fasting wouldn’t need a consultation provided you don’t have any preconditions (but what do I know) but beyond 5 days -see a doc, do some homework.

Ever fasted before? Essentially your body will feed off fat stores after 4-5 days of fasting. Your hunger pains will almost cease. Your environment HAS TO BE FRIENDLY. Meaning, don’t go with your friends to a BBQ, Pizza Place or places you would normally go to drown yourself in food. Defeats the goal. My wife tried it for 11 days and lost 10 pounds but once she was off she made food I could see, smell and hear cooking and I had to leave the house. She plans on doing some future cleansing too. I plan on quarterly fasting of 10-15 days as needed. My next planned fasting will occur a week after Thanksgiving. =) good timing!

Here’s a good flick to view too – which also was some inspiration….

I read several blogs, websites, WebMD, etc. to do my own research and then watched a pretty inspiring movie on Netflix called ‘Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead‘ – about a guy my age, Australian, successful in many aspects in life sans being healthy. He decided to go on a 60 day juice fast – the movie chronicles his journey and people he meets along the way.

 

 

Lastly — pix coming soon to show the transformation!

 

 

Summer 2011

I’m so very typical and non-random. I post here and there. My social divergence has been Twitter and of course Facebook lately, not so much actual writing and forethought – if one can call posting on a blog forethought – on this awesome blog.

It’s now mid summer and having celebrated a pussified fourth of July in Overland Park with my ladies. I say ‘pussified’ because the city ordinances of OP are that it’s illegal to light up fireworks in the city limits. Being an American is illegal. Yay. So I lit things up anyways in my drive way. Not a single person on the entire block was celebrating the 4th by lighting black cats. Not a single. Very sad.

My summer movie reviews short version:

• Green Lantern: sucked ass. I don’t care if you read all of the comic books. You know it sucked. Acting, CGI, story line….all sucked ass. Luckily we didn’t pay to see the movie, now that would have sucked. I don’t even recommend renting that POShit. Ryan Reynolds best performance to date was his maybe 10 mins in X-Men Wolverine Origins when he dashed into the African dealers building with his swords deflecting bullets. Please…don’t see this.
• Super 8: Fantastic. A throw back to E.T./Stand By Me. This case could be the next gen of actors and actresses if Spielberg has anything to do with it. You won’t be disappointed. See it in the theater. Rent it.
• X-Men First Class:  Another great flick. Seeing the origins of the X-Men – albeit really only focusing on a mind-date raping Xavier and Emo Magneto it’s a perfect summer movie. Visuals, acting and basic storyline. Who knew Kevin Bacon was a good at being bad.
• Thor: discounting The Green Lantern entirely, this movie would be last on the best list of Comic Book driven movies which isn’t a bad thing. Thor actor was good but certainly not directly cast from the comic book, sure they have to keep him updated but if you ever read Thor you’d know he was very dry. Dry. Like watching a BBC show at 1 pm. You also get a nice bonus with my favorite Israeli actress Natalie Portman. Watch it in the Theater and Rent it. Not so much own.

That concludes my current movie review….I do plan on seeing Captain America and Harry in a few weeks.

Gaming:  

Star Wars Galaxies is finally coming to an end. 8 years running I’ve made my estimated 5 billion in credits and thrice that in loot. Mastered all but 2 professions simply because they eliminated them before I could master them. Managed 4 guilds. Was there 3 months in and will be there til they pull the plug and kill the hamster.

WoW: what’s that? Cancelled accounts months ago. Call me when they make it more indepth, challenging and not when some 5 year old can play it and get to level 85 in a week. Not saying I won’t be back, I will…just currently I like things a bit more sandbox’y.

PS3: Love it. Netflix, Renting games, etc. We even have the eye thing – could be very interesting to record some stuff with…afraid of what my son does with it. GT5 I’ve lost pretty much all interest- without DLC most games are meh. I like new content. Played Brink for 3 weeks and even bought it full retail – how dumb… – and most recently my wife and I have been playing Soul Caliber IV. Still need to finish Heavy Rain.

SWTOR:  Can’t wait…but will.

EVE Online:  restarted my free trial. Changes occured from 2 years ago – almost sim like now sorta. Still shitty tutorials. I think they do that on purpose to weed out those without a lot of gaming patience – (me). Still…I see this as my filler til SWOTR.

 

LIFE:

Kids growing up too damned fast. Is this what my parents experienced? They seemed so professional and composed compared to me.

CAREER:

Very busy! New hire for my assistant and she’s working out so far (knock on wood). I love what I do. I just, at times wonder if it’s appreciated…then I realize it is appreciated  since I’m still getting paid. My creative juices are squeezed by other means; freelance, quid qou pros and self promotion. It’s a fine line.

FAT ASS’NESS:

I’m still less. More muscle. More stamina. Less gut. Less man boobs. I sweat more. I get more injuries. I still eat better. I do have bad days. I still go 3-5 times a week to the gym. I am noticing that I have a growing disdain for those that don’t care for themselves. I see them destroying their bodies and cringe. I don’t say anything verbally or give anyone ‘looks’ but I see their own pain and don’t like it. I want to yell something to the effect that you can change your habits. You can live to see your kids’ kids grow up. You can wear those jeans, shirt and bathing suit. I’m trying very hard to not just do what I say but also pass along those actions to my kids – my son and daughter now frequent the gym more and more with me. My wife also goes and just last month alone last 10 pounds. She’s happier. Small steps indeed.

Happy Day.

Random Mexican

I’m about as random as a Mexican at a Magic The Gathering Tournament.
You see, the term ‘random mexican’ we believe derived from a “Dojo” tourney report from the 1990’s. It was said in reflection that a top 8 usually had a random mexican who made it that far in the tournament. A token, if you will. Kinda like having a token black person on an MTV reality show unless it’s dealing with Teen Moms. Black Teen Moms apparently isn’t as glamourous as White/Mixed/Mostly White Teen Moms. Yes, today I’m playing the card.

I can pass for nearly everything except Black or Japanese/Chinese (100%). I’ve been mistaken for a lot of races. When I tell them I’m Native American they get a ‘ahhh…’ look. I’m actually pretty rare. Well..not as rare as full blooded Native…I’m a half-breed. Since I can pass for anything it provides me opportunities that wouldn’t normally be out there for me. Like making a top 8 and being called a Random Mexican. Mainly by an old friend we all called ‘Negator’. (magic card reference). Best of buds until he was going thru his own divorce, we all know what a time and focus sink divorce can be! Anywhoo- he was the one whose karma smacked him up like a little red-headed step child from Colombia (S.A).

It was just prior to my divorce and we made a trip to Lincoln Nebraska (inorite?) for a MTG tourney. We drove up the night before and got a room downtown. We decided to hit the strip clubs which in Lincoln, it’s going to be an adventure. Midwest women are corn fed. This means one of two outcomes. If they aren’t already fat now, they will be later…so you have to catch them in the middle.

Our first trip was to the ‘Night Before Lounge’ in downtown Lincoln, it was a Friday night so it was a mix of Frat, Locals and Trucker/Farmers. Pretty packed (no homo). We sit 2 tables from the main area. This is a strip club with alcohol. No juice bar. For those strip club virgins – in the midwest/bible belt – strip clubs means topless only. Juice bar is nude 100%. It’s called Juice because they don’t sell alcohol due to the locals being stingy on sex. Most places that are Juice bars allow YOU to BYOB. I’m more of a non-juice bar visitor. You can see most everything you’d want to without them being 100% nude. One more note if your new to clubs. Never sit at the stage tables directly infront UNLESS you plan on shelling our dollar bills to every dancer in the place. It’s expected that you do if your sitting at the front seats. Sit 2-3 spots away. Better yet, case the place before sitting down. Go to the bar with your wife/gf/buds and order a drink….then casually spot the business expense patrons or bachelor party. That’s where you want to sit. Lap dances(good ones) tend to take up a good 5-7 foot radius…as such you can get pretty much a lap dance for free.
Last tip (maybe), bring a least $100.00 broken down into 20’s and 1’s…I usually did 20′ 1 dollar bills then twenties the rest. You don’t ask Strippers for change. And most importantly, don’t ever get too drunk at a club unless your jobless, credit cardless and with friends.

So back to my karma story.

Negator goes to the champagne room with a local farmers daughter who happens to have a LED hood clit strobe light. I’m able to see thru the thinly veiled curtains and see something blinking as she’s working it. Sure enough it’s a tiny purple light going ‘blinkity blink’. I chuckle. My tournament report is going to be stellar. I buy a souvenir tee shirt and we move on to a bar. Then another. Then finally it’s around 2:30 a.m. bars in Lincoln close later…
We find something off of Cornhusker Hwy and see there’s maybe a dozen cars…walk into a very dimly lit strip club and one girls on stage another lapping and a big neon sign saying ‘shower dances downstairs’. We head on down to see this– and just as advertised it’s chicks in a shower….I chuckle again. Negator nudges me and says he’s hitting the head. I go back up to our table where it’s ‘menu’ shows you what the ladies will do and prices.

Five mins pass and no Negator. I think he’s taking a dump but who takes a shit at a strip club? Then I think, maybe he’s gawking. After I finish my first PBR…he comes up, sits down and were watching the lady on the main stage. Looking around there’s maybe 4 guys in this room. All solo.

What seemed to be a long 8 seconds, a guy on each side of us stands up and yells “Lincoln Police! Everybody STAY SEATED!’. I had a nice buzz going on but was quickly snapped to. 4 more of Lincolns finest show up thru the basement and front door. It’s a bust. It’s 3 a.m. and I have a tournament I need to be at by 8:30 am. I have kick ass blue deck.
What seemed to be the leader of this band of let’s raid a strip club with 3 patrons in it and 8 strippers takes command. He asks for everyones ID…but were to remain seated. One of the policemen from downstairs points towards our table. I’m thinking…’I’m gonna be picked…some random mexican in a danky ass strip club is gonna be profiled!’. The leader walks over and says ‘Stand up!’ I start to get up when he tells me to sit my ass down. He points to Negator and says ‘YOU! Get up!’. he does….they handcuff him. Handcuff another and take 4 strippers in cuffs. I ask very politely…’Officer can I ask what’s going on?’ he replies with ‘Your friend is going to jail for lewd conduct’. I refrain from laughing. I follow him out the the squad car and take a picture of him. I smile at him as he sits in the back seat…I ask the officer what now, bail, etc. He says to follow them to the station. I do.

2.5 hours later, bonded out from his only monies (I wasn’t gonna bail his ass out..,I’m going thru a divorce…fuck that.) As I sat there waiting, I got to know 3 other strippers in the waiting area. Apparently they get busted every few months, especially when the officers see the license plates of out of towners. It’s bread and butter for them. They’re pimp..errr…manager shows up and bails out the rest. I shake hands with him. Nice gig.
Negator steps out, I shoot his pic as he puts his belongings together he’s not happy about the pictures being shot.

During my gaming hey’day I had a website where I was able to get most of the local KC area players together online with forums, reports, etc. This was for the website. =D

We make it back to the hotel to sleep for what amounted to be 1.5 hours rest. I ended up 9th place by making a mental mistake on a key play. Negator punked out early. We met up with a good amount of KC folks. Made it back to Overland Park’s Battlezone where the stories were told all night of our time in Lincoln.

After that weekend, Negator never called me a ‘Random Mexican’ because I mentioned to him on our way back from the Jail house that, that was karma speaking to him directly. What were the odds the policeman WOULD NOT pick me over him (he looks like a spitting image of Steve Buscemi).

True Story.

Been awhile yo.

It’s frickin Spring! Finally. Freak snow storms begone. Bring on the Torn-a-doze (not really..)….really. Just so nice to come out of the winter with what can be called fresh air of the Kansas/Mizzou area. Ok enough about the weather. What shall we (me) speak (write) about? Me? OK.

Work, as in the past has been very different. My secretary left for another venture in assisting others with pie charts, reservations and data entry. I quickly forgot how much of a time sink data entry and mundane but important duties one has in administrative things. It’s really not for me at this stage in my life, it’s more of a beginning thing or ending thing in terms of career choices. I’m right in the middle of my career. However, it takes time to hire people now a days. It takes weeks almost months before one can get past all the committees of people who need to review, interview and give the green light on people you feel maybe a good fit. I get it. I understand the why’s and reasoning to not just find a qualified candidate and hire them…….(pausing for effect/affect). So here I am juggling two jobs as one with my endless amount of Jedi prowess and recent influx of energy*. I do her job, I do mine. Whence I worked at a place called ‘Swingster/American Identity’ I juggled 3 people’s jobs for 6 months. I was the Graphic Designer/Job Executioner/Art Director. After 3 months of my boss taking his time ‘hiring’ a replacement I went to his office with a written proposal that I take on the full responsibility of the ‘Executioner’ which paid at the time 25k….they could eliminate the  job position and simply pay me 25% more. I was getting the hang of the job – that included vendor quotes, job work flow assignments, logo library, digital asset management, invoices and billing. My boss read the proposal…looked up at me…and laughed. He said “are you kidding me Nicholas?”  I didn’t blink an eye…”Yes, 100%” it makes sense does it not?” I went on for a good 1 min pleading my case stating I’d save them 18k-20k a year plus health, training–etc. He laughed more and then said ‘You’ll do both jobs for the same pay, if you don’t agree you can always leave…anymore questions?’.
One month later they hired a replacement for the position…they quit a week later…hired another…they quit 2 days later…hired another and quit 1 month later…I laughed very loudly each time.
My former boss is now retired from the design business and is now in the Lake of the Ozarks with his wife and kid – they have a Fishing company where they get hired out to show tourists good fishing holes.

So as I done said I’m getting used to what she done did in my department. I have maybe a dozen good candidates…we shall see. It does make me appreciate MORE what my secretary did. Flip side is I don’t think she ever appreciated what I did. Youth.

My fatness update: less is more! Just over 230 now…I go to the gym 3-4 times a week now, still eating right with an occasional splurge (no homo) like BBQ. My clothes fit better, jeans I wore years ago are wearable, I’m wearing ‘Large’ vs. 2-3 XL’s. It’s amazing the energy I have. Sex 4-6 times a week with some more than once excursions in one night!! I KNOW RIGHT?? It’s pretty amazing what I’ve been doing, the habits being normal now – with eating good quality food. Apples, oranges, nana’s, strawberries over chips and cookies. It’s also an environmental thing where my son and wife are also working out with me and eating right. I know I sound like a broken record but I can’t help it. I wish I did this 15 years ago….

Politics: My cynicism knows no bounds. Obama maybe the ultimate fucktard and having the uncanny ability to do so without so much the media making light of his actions. 2012 is his unless the lesser of 3 evils has a good candidate not named Palin. The Government as a whole pretty much doing what they’ ve been doing since the dawn of Democracy- bickering, blaming and not actually doing anything beyond their own self interests.  Nothing changes. Where is all the CHANGE Obama? I had a fleeting moment of 1/2 hour back in October 2008 that maybe you’d be different….you are simply, no less no more than a packaged politician who can speak well. Period.

Religion: Meh. Although I did explain to my kids the lovely history of Catholics and specifically the decades cover up of the child molestation by it’s clergy and it’s awesome ways of ignoring the crimes of it’s top members and leaders against innocence for years. Catholics certainly don’t have a monopoly on rape, it’s everywhere…it’s just the plain hypocrisy of the Catholics and it’s outdated ‘rules’ it imposes on it’s followers. It’s the acceptance of what it has covered up and continual cover up that reinforces my opinion on organized religion. I believe in a higher being but not under duress or coercion based on man’s ideals. No thanks.

Gaming! :  My mage Husker hit 85 a month ago. My Dreaming is almost 83. I play maybe 6 hours a week now. I play my PS3 less since it’s nice out but when I do fire it up it’s usually Netflix. My guild is still alive ha ha – with 3-4 of us playing weekly. Joined up with Fredler’OhNoez’Logtar’sWifePM’sHimOverHisChoiceofPetNamesOMGREALLY?
Guild. I almost, almost re-upped for EVE online but then remembered the long ass learning curve, hours and hours mining….I’m now waiting for Diablo 3. It should be a nice refreshing game. Blizzard rarely does gaming wrong.

Guess I’m done. Good Night Ladies. Oh I’ll leave me with one of my favorite eye candy goddess’sszzzzzzz! Monica.

 

Jesus Kites

Been a long time since I stepped in here. Lot has happened. Notice I said “Lot”, not ‘A lot’. Wife was fucked by catty women and lost her job. In particular two overweight fat bottomed girls. Younger women. Younger than my Wife. That translates to the younger feeling scared of their position in life. When a younger person is in charge in a corporate setting many things can go awry in a heartbeat. The worst mistake one in that position (young fat bottomed white chick in charge) is to underestimate older more experienced people. Once they feel ‘superior’ to their elders it’s pretty much a lost cause for those not in power. Meh. Long story short, fat bottomed white chicks under 30 will see Karma sooner or late.  If I come off bitter, I am. My love worked her ass off for the company. Hours and hours, sacrifice, dedication..all understatements as to what she gave for this company….while it’s not a rare story…Company/Management take advantage of their employee’s…it’s a cross section on society in general. I’m not going to go all “Logtar’d” on you with foreigner/immigrant self righteous bullshit….let’s just say life isn’t fair an my wife was made an example in this case.

I lost more fat. Jan weighed 255. Now this morning 230. Still high but I’ve made a lot (kek) progress. Mainly food constriction and starving myself but without the pains. I also DO eat healthy. Not going to be one of those ass tards who post about their weight loss and all gung ho about it on their blog then continue to eat Donuts, Pizza and Waffles and never speak of their efforts because they talk the talk but don’t do something about it. Noticed Tony of Kansas City has been putting on the pounds. Read his The Pitch article last week…and I’ve seen him in RL at the station and occasional self promotion snapshots..months back and he was a lot less of him back then. Maybe it’s the sweatshirt, unkept hair and dreadful baseball caps? He has to know chicks don’t dig big ass guts….well maybe his girlfriend does..or at least doesn’t say anything to his face. I was ashamed of my ‘baby’ belly and still am…but motherfuckindammit I ain’t gonna be that person, that walking cliche of fatness. I want to live longer than you. I want to be around for my family. I want my kids to be proud of me. I want my wife to be able to put her arms ALL around me. I want to see my dick.
Thank god – wait..should I capitalize god or leave it non-caps? It is a title…but it is also an adjective and could be a noun. The word god has so many meanings and context and subtext. I’ll go with god. Not some intimidating like GOD. Where was I….yeah Thank god I have support to continue with my goals in losing the fat.

Welp I think I’ve done the duty. Wife is prepping the room for sleep. That means turning the fan on. Turning off her computer. Washing her hands. Putting things away. I sit here listening to Ben Folds wanting to play and write longer but my domesticated husbandry kicks in and feel guilty and will lay down with her…….

p.s. Hope you like the new look and banner.

 

Being without

Sketch by Wook.

A short while ago my PC went Poop. I’m very anal retentive about “My Stuff” which encompasses : My electronics, tools, car, collectibles & stuff. That also means no one is allowed to use/play/touch any of the things listed above without explicit permission. Mainly, my computer. This particular one is just over 18 months old. I bought it off Woot.com at the suggestion of John Guzman (former coworker and ex-friend (haha). He was literally shocked at the time anyone would listen to his advice on a purchase like this. It was a really good deal and still is. It’s a med range gaming rig as far as one could be with a model off the shelf – this one being from Gateway.  Don’t laugh…this fucker is the bomb.

I believe it’s one of three things gone wrong or a combo. My gut feeling is it’s a bad HD followed by a very bad virus (I have 3 up-to-date virus/malware/internet security programs that tend to catch most everything) or bad memory stick. We shall see. Having local company pick it up and do it’s diagnosis (free).

In this time of being without a regular PC (I have a laptop but …. it’s a lap top) – I haven’t logged into WoW, played SC2, played SWG, played LOTRO or done freelance work (just had a request yesterday…). Instead my time in the evening has been more interactive with my wife. Playing my PS3 or Wii. Reading. Sketching. It’s like having no electricity…you find other more tangible things to do. Things you used to do 10 years ago. More productive would be a good word to describe the past 2 weeks.

I’ve also been recovering from a bad flu I had which started on Christmas Eve. I coughed and sneezed so much it triggered my umbilical hernia to get all pissed off at me. If my devoted readers read last year, I lost 20 lbs in about 4 weeks..which resulted in my stomach having issues – basically the muscle on the outer wall was weak from years of stretching (getting fatter) and when it had less pressure my intestines were ‘free’ so to speak. Soooo….one week ago today, I sneezed and felt a ‘push’ from within my belly area. It hurt. It hurt to sit upright. I went to my Doc and he poked and shifted my belly contents around and determined that I’d have to have surgery if it ever has anymore sharp pains. That’s not a good surgery. Period. His answer (besides surgery) is to simply lose the weight.
So here I am again back on the boat of watching what I eat. Been here before. Tired of it. I beat smoking. I beat my 2 week addiction to pain pills from my ankle surgery. I beat Defender. I’ve played Galaga for 2 hours straight. Why can’t I break the eating thing?

Anywhoo.

Moral of my blog post is to try new things. Disconnect for a week. Or a day. Do something other than sitting in front of a screen. Go fuck your wife or girlfriend.  She’ll appreciate your undivided attention.